I finally had a dream about her getting well way before she would go.  That was what I prayed for, her getting back to consciousness and talk to me, to us, before she would finally go.  It was just a dream but it felt real - while I quite knew in my dream I was only dreaming.  She got up and went to her usual busy ways in the kitchen when she was excited about something, just like when she was a decade ago, healthier.  She was smiling. And she looked younger. I was thinking 'God has finaly given what I asked for Lola. See, this feeling is familiar, God giving what I ask for.  Am I not a brat? No, this is for Lola and though this is strange to be just in a dream, I am grateful. I wonder what she had to say before she goes... will she be sick again, when?'

And then my consciousness shifted to more lucidity, but no more dream. I was restless while asleep. And forgot about my dream of Lola. I knew I didn't have to be awake until the right time in the morning. Something (or somebody!) was keeping me half-awake at dawn while I pushed my eyelids back trying for a restful slumber. I woke up late at 8:30am feeling heady. I knew why something like this happens. this same thing happened before, the last one was months ago. the same person! And honestly, it's not a good way for somebody to tell me something. I always prefer to be talked - or written to - directly.  I opened my laptop and saw that I was right. 

I do not feel like going back to sleep but I know tonight I would need to get my rest back. If that person only knew, I hadn't had a straight 4-6 hours of sleep for the last few years until six months ago. Meaning, I only had continued night time rest for the last 6 months. Before that, I had to be awake for somebody I love dearly.  Lifting her in the middle of the night, or dawn, helping her with bare necessities.  So please, let me sleep. Talk like a human being, not an viral poster.  While I appreciate some of your posts, and even if I may be picking up some good advice, it's not the way to go...  Now that I remember that I had a good dream before my sleep was interrupted, I feel much better.  I still have my senses back with me - I'm a fully functioning human being - talking, hearing, sensing, feeling, introspecting human being. So please, if you may, don't go online-automatic on me.